Phrases You Use That Undermine Your Own Leadership

"Never apologize for taking up space" -Katy Jimenez

Jo Lein May 15, 2025

EduCoach

"Phrases You Use That Undermine Your Own Leadership" by Jo Lein (EduCoach, May 15, 2025)

In “Phrases You Use That Undermine Your Own Leadership,” educator and leadership coach Jo Lein explores how the language used by school leaders—especially those seeking to appear relatable or polite—can unintentionally diminish their authority and credibility. Lein identifies five common phrases that, while well-intentioned, subtly convey insecurity or self-doubt. She argues that becoming more aware of these phrases and replacing them with confident, assertive language can transform how educators are perceived and how effectively they lead.

The first phrase Lein critiques is, “I won’t take up too much of your time.” While often used to express respect for others’ busy schedules, it inadvertently implies that the speaker’s time and message are not valuable. Lein suggests that rather than apologizing for speaking, leaders should assert the value of their contribution from the outset. Better alternatives include, “I’ll be brief—here’s what I need from you,” or “Let’s get right to it.” These signal efficiency without diminishing the importance of the message.

The second phrase, “I was in your seat…”, is often used by leaders to empathize by referencing their past experience. However, Lein warns that this can come off as dismissive or self-centered, especially when it shifts the focus away from the current challenges of others. Instead of flexing past experience, leaders should express current understanding and curiosity by saying things like, “Here’s something I learned that might help,” or “What’s the hardest part for you right now?” This keeps the focus on supporting others rather than elevating oneself.

The third phrase, “I’m just checking in,” uses language that appears overly deferential and can signal a lack of purpose or authority. Research on assertive communication shows that such hedging diminishes the likelihood of others taking meaningful action. Lein advises leaders to clearly state their intent: “I wanted to hear how X is going and see if you need support,” or “I’d love a quick update on Y so we can plan next steps.”

The fourth problematic phrase is “Does that make sense?” According to Lein, this question reveals self-doubt and invites others to question the clarity or validity of the speaker’s message. Rather than asking for validation, leaders should assume their communication is sound and shift the focus toward collaboration and engagement. Preferred alternatives include, “What questions do you have?” or “How does that sound to you?”

Finally, Lein discusses “I don’t have all the answers.” While humility is valuable, framing uncertainty this way can diminish a leader’s authority. Lein encourages reframing this sentiment as a shared journey or strategic thinking, such as, “Let’s figure this out together,” or “Here’s what I do know, and here’s what we still need to determine.” This demonstrates leadership through problem-solving rather than insecurity.

Throughout the article, Lein draws on personal experience, noting that she too has used these phrases and is actively working to replace them with more empowered language. She underscores that leadership is not about knowing everything or minimizing one's presence; it’s about showing up with confidence and authenticity. Words, Lein reminds readers, are powerful tools that shape perceptions and build trust.

The article is a compelling call for educators—especially those in leadership roles—to critically examine their everyday language. By avoiding phrases that signal doubt and adopting ones that reflect confidence and clarity, school leaders can strengthen their presence, empower their teams, and foster a more collaborative, respectful culture.

Original Article

Source: https://educoach.substack.com/p/phrases-you-use-that-undermine-your

------------------------------

Prepared with the assistance of AI software

OpenAI. (2025). ChatGPT (4) [Large language model]. https://chat.openai.com