Shaping Children’s Behavior with Well-Chosen Words 

From the Marshall Memo #435

“Our words and tone of voice have a profound effect on children,” say Chip Wood and Babs Freeman-Loftis in this Responsive Classroom Newsletter. Making good choices not only benefits troublesome students but also helps other students within earshot. Some specific suggestions:

• Conveying high expectations – “Good morning, Shayna! I’m so glad you’re here today. Thank you for remembering to walk safely in the hall.” versus “Shayna, don’t even think about running to your classroom this morning. I’m watching you!” 

• Naming specific behaviors – An art teacher might say “Beautiful work!” or “Your hopes and dreams display shows that you put careful thought into what you want to learn in art this year; your illustrations show so much detail.”

• Using a warm but professional tone – “Lamar, I noticed that you invited Eric into your game when you saw him standing alone. You really remembered our rule about including everyone.” Wood and Freeman-Loftis suggest avoiding baby talk like “We’re being so good today” or sentimental language like “Honey, you’re just the best little includer.”

• Emphasizing description over personal approval – “You were friendly and safe on the bus today, and the ride was more pleasant for everyone” versus “I like the way you were safe and friendly today.”

• Finding positives to name in all students – “Clayton, your teacher says you’ve had a great morning. You stayed focused during writing time and used some strategies to help you finish all your other work.”

• Drawing attention to progress – “Billy, you caught yourself and stopped talking when Jackson was sharing. You’re getting better at holding onto your ideas until it’s your turn to talk.”

• Being direct and avoiding sarcasm – “Samantha, you’re in fourth grade. Our first graders follow rules better than you. Why am I not surprised by your behavior?” versus “Samantha, stop. Walk to your classroom. I’ll watch you from here.”

“Want Positive Behavior? Use Positive Language” by Chip Wood and Babs Freeman-Loftis in Responsive Classroom Newsletter, Summer 2012 (adapted from the authors’ book, Responsible School Behavior: Essentials for Elementary School Leaders)