Dealing with a Rival in the Workplace

From The Marshall Memo #435

In this Harvard Business Review article, Brian Uzzi (Northwestern University) and Shannon Dunlap (a New York City-based journalist) suggest an approach to dealing with an intense rivalry in the workplace – for example, someone who is threatened by your skills or resents your being given a promotion. “Because rivalries can be so destructive,” say Uzzi and Dunlap, “it’s not enough to simply ignore, sidestep, or attempt to contain them.” It’s essential to build trust, but that’s easier said than done. Trust is based on emotion as well as reason, and if negative emotions are present, the “thinking” part of the brain doesn’t function as well and the rival won’t respond to reasonable arguments (“Come on, we need each others’ strengths to be successful”). The answer? Using a three-step process they call the “Three R’s”:

• Redirection – The first step is redirecting the rival’s negative emotions away from you. For example, a newly appointed Xerox executive took the man who thought he should have been given the job out to lunch (versus having the conversation in his office) and said, “I didn’t put you in this position. Xerox put us both in this position.” Another way of redirecting negative energy is talking about things you and your rival have in common.

• Reciprocity – “The essential principle here is to give before you ask,” say Uzzi and Dunlap. Over lunch, the new Xerox executive promised to support his rival’s leadership development and advancement in the company and said he was going to include him in executive-level meetings, providing visibility, credibility, and connections. This gesture tacitly invited a reciprocal gesture – the rival sharing his extensive technical knowledge. “Reciprocity involves considering ways that you can immediately fulfill a rival’s need or reduce a pain point,” say Uzzi and Dunlap. “Live up to your end of the bargain first, but figure out a way to ensure a return from your rival without the person’s feeling that pressure.” 

• Rationality – Immediately following the first two steps, this is a direct appeal for positive partnership. Over lunch, the new Xerox executive told his rival he needed him, or someone like him, to reach his goals, and he needed to know by the time they finished the meal whether the rival would work with him. This made it clear that he saw his rival as a valuable, but not indispensable, ally. “When rationality follows redirection and reciprocity,” say Uzzi and Dunlap, “it should push your adversary into considering the situation from a reasoned standpoint, fully comprehending the expectations and benefits, and recognizing that he is looking at a valued opportunity that could be lost.” 

Of course, the two men didn’t walk out of the restaurant as full-blown collaborators, but using this approach, say the authors, “a potentially debilitating rivalry was transformed into a healthy working relationship and, in time, a strong partnership.” 

What if the Three R’s don’t work? Uzzi and Dunlap suggest working with a third party whom the rival trusts, looking for well-timed opportunities to try the strategy again, and, if nothing is improving, cutting your losses and seeking other allies.

“Managing Yourself: Make Your Enemies Your Allies: Three Steps to Reversing a Rivalry at Work” by Brian Uzzi and Shannon Dunlap in Harvard Business Review, May 2012 (Vol. 90, #5, p. 133-137), http://hbr.org/2012/05/make-your-enemies-your-allies/ar/1