Choosing School Climate Strategies Through an Inviting Lens

Joan R. Fretz

Like most educators, you have likely spent hours and even years implementing positive school climate initiatives, exhausting yourself, and perhaps engaging only a small but dedicated portion of the staff in each endeavor.  As a school leader, I was often frustrated as I watched the enthusiasm for an initiative build and then eventually dwindle.  Having been immersed in Invitational Education since 2003, and working with many schools to improve school climate, I have come to realize the importance of using Invitational Education as a framework for school change.  Once understood and practiced by the adults in the school, Invitational Education will help you create a shared mindset and “lens” through which worthwhile, like-minded strategies can be selected, implemented, and most importantly, help you create sustainable change. 

When we view a new program or project through an inviting lens, we can determine if it will help message the people in our school that they are able, valuable, and responsible members of this organization or, message them that they are not.  When we start a new program or initiative and a shared mindset for staff is not in place, the initiative may likely not be sustainable, nor reap any significant change in school climate.  It doesn’t matter how much research has been done on an “evidence-based” practice.  It won’t work in a school where the staff members are unintentionally disinviting in their words and actions or use a control-oriented approach to school.

An Invitational lens helps us determine if programs and other theories of practice are “doing with” practices or just another “doing to” way of trying to control what other people say and do.  “Doing to” initiatives include coming up with a long list of pre-determined consequences for a discipline policy or preaching about character through stories that tell students they “shouldn’t do this” or “we all should be more like this person.”  In an invitational school, we avoid words like should, must, don’t, can’t.  These are likely to be interpreted by others as efforts to control and judge them. 

The amazing thing about an invitational approach to school, is you end up needing fewer rules and regulations.  Getting to that point does not happen by placing happy notes in mailboxes, hosting staff appreciation days, or promoting “Respect Week.”  In fact, many schools fail to become inviting schools because they mistakenly see these initiatives as the way to be inviting.  Even when schools develop a new positive discipline approach or implement an SEL program, they still may run the risk of not reaping the benefits of these evidence-based strategies. 

I recommend that schools focus on just one skill first, and invite as many people as possible to experiment with this for a few weeks, trying it out in their professional and personal interactions and sharing successes.  That one inviting skill involves changing the way we communicate. Regretfully, today’s world is filled with messages that are filled with judgment and blame.  Everywhere you turn, someone is telling others what’s wrong with what they said or did.  Judgment and ridicule have become an accepted language on social media.  What a detrimental model for our children!

Invitational theory encourages us to realize that we are not in control of the meaning of our messages.  We might have an intent when speaking or acting, but, it is the receiver of our words and actions who gives them meaning.  No matter what we say and how we say it, the person on the other side of the conversation filters that message through their own lens and decides if that was a blue message (positive) or orange message (negative) about their ability, value, or responsibility.

So, what’s an aspiring inviting person to do?  By learning more about Invitational Education, we become more skillful in thinking about how our words and actions may be received by others.  Then we are in a better position to evaluate and implement positive climate initiatives.  Here is an example of a like-minded strategy that helps us improve the way we express our feelings and needs.  It’s based on Nonviolent Communication – the simple and wonderful work of Marshall Rosenberg:

Suppose you were carpooling to school with someone and every time it was their turn to drive, they picked you up late and you then had little time to get ready before your students arrived at your classroom door.  You might say, “I always feel stressed when you drive us to work because you pick me up late.”  In that statement, you are blaming the person for your feelings.  Instead, try saying the same thing in a different way:

“I’m feeling stressed this morning because I need more time to set up my room before the kids come in.  Would you please pick me up 15 minutes earlier next time?

In this way, we are expressing the same thing without judging the person’s recent action.  We are attaching our feeling to our need, then following it with a request.  Without being judged or blamed the other person is more likely to be willing to discuss the situation and agree to your request. Rosenberg helps us understand that our feelings are generated by a need that we have that has been fulfilled or is unfulfilled.  Feelings of love, respect, and acknowledgment come from a need being fulfilled.  Feelings of despair, frustration, anger, or jealousy come from needs that have not been fulfilled.

The same approach also applies to listening empathically when someone is telling you what they are feeling.  Instead of offering advice or telling someone they shouldn’t feel that way, we listen for, and attempt to guess what they might be feeling and what was important to them (what they needed.) For example, suppose one day on the playground, Katie grabbed the ball from a group of students who refused to let her play with them.  You might say, “It sounds like you were disappointed.  Is that right?  Was it because you hoped they would have invited you to join their game?”  This helps people connect their feelings to what they really hoped for or wanted, instead of focusing on the action they didn’t like.  The action of others may have been the stimulus for Katie’s choice of behavior, but it was not the cause.  Her unfulfilled need was the cause. 

This non-judgmental approach to identifying feelings and needs helps someone feel heard and opens the door for them to consider what else they could have said or done and what to do next.  Both children and adults need to sort out their feelings and needs in order to identify why they might have been triggered by a situation and have an opportunity to calm their mind, so they will be able to access their prefrontal cortex (the thinking part of their brain,) and decide what to do next.  When our feelings and needs are acknowledged by someone else, we immediately feel understood.  The conversation helps someone identify what their need is, and consider ways to request an action that would fulfill their need.  Once calm, most people will recognize when they have acted “without thinking” and be willing to make amends or ask for what they need in a different way. 

I hope you will begin your school climate journey by reading our new Invitational Education book:  Developing Inviting Schools: A Beneficial Framework for Teaching and Leading. I had the honor of co-authoring the book with Drs. Purkey & Novak who created Invitational Theory and Practice.

If you would like to learn more about school climate strategies that align with an invitational framework, please visit my website:  https://joanfretz.com.  There you will find summaries of many like-minded practices, videos, recommended resources, and materials to share with others.

Here is a list of my favorite like-minded theories of practice that align with Invitational Education:

Nonviolent Communication, Marshall Rosenberg: Expressing feelings and needs without judgment or blame

Self-Determination Theory, Deci and Ryan: Creating the conditions for intrinsic motivation; the problem with relying on rewards and consequences

Interpersonal Neurobiology, Dan Siegel: The science of relationships; how different parts of our brain cause us to either react or respond thoughtfully.

Collaborative and Proactive Solutions, Ross Greene:  Helping students identify the lagging skill /need that caused them to choose an unhelpful behavior.

Social and Emotional Learning Lessons and Service Learning, CASEL, Lions Quest:  Modeling, teaching, and practicing social and emotional skills with students in a developmental order.

I welcome your ideas and questions.  Feel free to contact me at joan@joanfretz.com.