Coaches spend a lot of time thinking about communication--about how we listen and ask questions. We know that coaching happens in conversations and that we need to pay acute attention to the words we use. I am a big believer in planning coaching conversations, in scripting them out ahead of time--I know this results in conversations that tend to be more intentional and strategic. In this post I want to offer a few suggestions for how changing a few words we use can be transformational in coaching conversations.

The 65/35 Percent Factor

We communicate our thoughts and feelings through the words we use, as well as our body language, tone of voice, pace of speech and pitch. In fact, many experts say that our non-verbal cues (body language, tone, pace, pitch) are responsible for carrying some 65% of the message we communicate. The specific words that we select to make up only 35% of our message. As we read this, we probably know how true this is--that it's not about what you say, it's how you say it. You can read more about this idea and how to use it in coaching in this blog that I wrote.

Now, let's focus on the 35 percent. I'd like to suggest that there are three words that if we became acutely aware of--both in our own speech and that of others--we'd transform our conversations. These three are Why?, but, and should.

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