The hardest parenting lesson I had to learn was to stop telling my kids what to do. It was much easier for me to bark out orders than to let them figure things out on their own. Doing so took time and patience, neither of which I had in abundant supply when my daughter and son were younger. And the net result of that were two kids who relied heavily on me to tell them what they needed to do, when they needed to do it, and where they needed to be. They had become expert direction followers.

One day, I came to the realization that they needed to take some ownership. But in order for them to do that, I’d have to change my behavior. Familiar with the Hamilton soundtrack? Aaron Burr gives this advice to Alexander Hamilton: “Talk less. Smile more.” My parenting tip is a variation on that: “Talk less. Ask more.”

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