I’m compelled to write this as someone who continuously practices self-reflection and has a severe case of ATL* and ATC**.  I am re-entering the public school education realm after a long stint in early intervention and certainly am excited about my new journey.  I also practice transparency, self-expression and authenticity and would love feedback on this experience.

I’ve been out of the school system for over 14 years because I founded and operated an early intervention agency, which I was forced to close because of significant shifts in billing processes.  Prior to this I taught in NYC public schools for 11 years and most of my experience has been in elementary education, although I have taught middle and high school.  My original choice to work with early childhood stems from the fact that the clients are so darn cute and because there is strong research indicating that if one intervenes early, these children have a more positive long-term outcome.  I wanted to be part of something powerful in education.

During the time I ran my agency, I taught undergraduate and graduate level courses in special education and supervised student-teachers at a local university for over 11 years.  I also earned a Certificate of Advanced Studies in Educational Leadership.  So when I closed my agency, I was ready to transition and begin a new chapter in my life as an educational leader.  Recognizing the responsibilities that come with a position of the sort, I chose extraordinary mentors to guide, support and help me maintain growth as leader of educators.

I was recently called to interview for the position of Chairperson of Special Education in a high school in a school district on Long Island.  Even though I recognize that most of my experience was in elementary education, I reasoned that those who perused my resume thought that my experience was solid enough to warrant an interview.  I was thrilled to have the opportunity to meet with some of the leaders and thinkers of this school district.  In preparation, I sifted through their website to gain answers to some anticipated questions.  As an employer, I’ve been on the other end of this exchange many times and have successfully employed and contracted with extraordinary professionals.

On the day of the interview, I was escorted by one of the administrators to the interview room.  Prior to entering, she stopped, looked at me and gave me specific directions on how to proceed after I entered.  Although she occurred to me as a compassionate woman who did her best to prepare me for what was ahead, I couldn’t help but feel like I was in for something ‘unsafe’.  Her final words before I entered were, “don’t be nervous”…really?  Now I’m suspicious AND nervous…

Upon entering the large room, I was escorted to a big red chair (it felt big to me at the time since I began to feel smaller by the second).  When I sat and looked across the room, opposite a chasm of two tables, I saw the silhouette of 5 individuals who I knew very little about since I wasn’t privy to who would be in attendance, despite my having asked.  I did surmise that the principal and the administrator in charge of HR would be there so I did some digging on them prior and was excited to meet them. 

I quickly introduced myself and stated the reason for my presence (as was the newly learned protocol) and then they methodically began to introduce themselves and their title from left to right.  They didn’t skip a beat and were chiming in one after another; all but 2 were smiling.  I was smiling the whole time, partly because I was then able to squint and get a glimpse of their faces.  They all sat in front of huge windows (actually huge) with the full throttle of daylight behind them.  By this time, it felt like a “power-play”…I’ve had my experiences with them, but not like this…not in education. 

The barrage of questions began from left to right; they appeared pre-scripted with no continuity or connection to each other.  Although I found some questions to be good, there were no follow-up questions to my responses so a flow in conversation was never attained.  Also, it occurred to me as an exercise in capturing evidence about how I don’t fit the job.  I don’t remember one positive thing about this experience, in fact, I quickly knew that I would not want to work there, despite the decent compensation expected.

Now as educators, we know that intimidation (deliberate or not) causes stress hormones to be released, which interferes with cognitive functioning…needless to say, I felt as if I choked and blew the interview.  No excuses, I take full responsibility for my part in this and have grown wiser since, but I can’t help wonder…

Was this a tactic to see how I operated under pressure?  Was this an exercise in power?  Is this how typical leadership in education operates?  Are educational leaders exemplifying what we expect of our educators?  Is there a royal court protocol I missed learning about in my Ed Leadership courses?  Was I just naïve and out of ‘high-stakes’ interview practice? 

Truth is, I get that I was likely not the best candidate for the job, but why call me in for an interview if my lack of experience in high school was evident on my resume?  Is it necessary to set individuals up to feel inadequate and insignificant too?  Why continuously ask questions that only showcase lack of experience in a particular setting?  I’ve never been part of a parole hearing, but this experience felt as if I had to defend my very existence…what I imagine parolees feel like.

                                                                                                                          *ATL = Addicted to Learning

                                                                                                                          **ATC = Addicted to Creating