Is Favoritism Wrong?

In this thoughtful Chronicle of Higher Education article, philosophy professor Stephen Asma (Columbia College/Chicago) says the opposite of fairness is not selfishness. But that’s the way it seems when we hear children complain, “That’s not fair!” It’s easy for parents and teachers to see this as a thinly disguised attempt to get one’s way. “Kids learn early that an honest declaration of ‘I’m not getting what I want’ holds little persuasion for parents,” says Asma. “So they quickly figure out how to mask their egocentric frustrations with the language of fairness. An appeal to an objective standard of fairness will at least buy some bargaining time for further negotiations.”

However, Asma continues, “This is not entirely duplicitous on the part of the child, who is often legitimately confused and cannot easily distinguish his private sufferings from larger and clearer social imbalances.” The opposite of fairness is not selfishness but favoritism. And it’s not always a bad thing. 

How can that be? We’re always telling children to be fair by sharing generously and being open-minded toward people who are different from themselves. Favoritism and bias are demonized and seen as prejudice. Some social-science research has postulated that children are inherently biased against those who look different, giving parents and educators a strong reason to preach against bias and bigotry (whose flip side is favoritism toward one’s tribe). 

But there’s new thinking on this, reports Asma. Yes, people are biased toward their in-group, but research on children’s preferences shows this doesn’t mean they’re negative toward other groups. “The old folk wisdom that group closeness comes from opposition to others is not borne out by recent data,” he says. “Nor is the old developmental story that we all start out as egotistic Hobbesians, who slowly learn to care for others… Kids simultaneously make social evaluations based on at least three criteria: self-interests, group interests, and justice interests… Favoritism, not egoism, is probably the primal value system.” 

And favoritism isn’t always based on family, racial, or ethnic ties. People sometimes favor those who share the same birthday, cheer for the same baseball team, or support the same political candidate. Asma believes schools need to recognize this. For example, he says, “Rosa Parks and Susan B. Anthony were not fighting for the equality of all people per se, but for the inclusion of their in-groups. It’s no disservice to them or denigration of them to point out this basic fact of favoritism.” 

Unfairness has roots in envy, says Asma. Equality is the American ideal, and inequality drives envy – of another person’s car or lawn or athletic ability. In the 19^th century, children and parents were taught something quite different about envy: “There will always be people better off than you, and the sooner you accept and conquer your envy, the better off you’ll be.” This changed in the 20^th century; parents were urged to give their children an equal share of everything to prevent envy and sibling rivalry – to prevent unfairness. This has been taken to the much-ridiculed extreme of giving ribbons to all students in a race just for taking part. Contrast this, Asma says, to Chinese preschools where children stand up to tell a story to their classmates and then listen unflinchingly to detailed critiques – too boring, voice too quiet, paused too many times, terrible ending. 

There’s a difference between equal opportunity and equal outcomes, Asma concludes: “A better way to integrate fairness and favoritism for kids is to show how opportunity and outcome are part of a process. Everyone should have equal opportunity to become your friend, but not everyone can be your friend… Anyone should be a candidate for friend status [hopefully from a broad and diverse pool of candidates], but few will be admitted to the elite club. Why few? Because favorites (friends) can be created only by spending time together, sharing experiences, and immersing themselves in each other’s lives – and time, sadly, is a finite resource… Love trumps fairness every time.”

“In Defense of Favoritism” by Stephen Asma in The Chronicle of Higher Education, Nov. 16, 2012 (Vol. LIX, #12, p. B6-B9), http://chronicle.com/article/In-Defense-of-Favoritism/135610/ 

From the Marshall Memo #461