David Brooks on Changing Bad Behavior

In this New York Times column, David Brooks tells the story of a scorching e-mail that Nick Crews, a British father of three grown children, sent his offspring last February. It’s come to be known as the “Crews Missile” in Great Britain because of its hectoring language toward the hapless children. It concluded, “I want to hear no more from any of you until, if you feel inclined, you have a success or an achievement or a REALISTIC plan for the support and happiness of your children to tell me about. I am bitterly, bitterly disappointed. Dad.” The e-mail has made Crews a folk hero among many Brits, who are delighted that he had the moxie to tell off his over-privileged slacker children. 

Brooks demurs: “The problem, of course, is that no matter how emotionally satisfying these tirades may be, they don’t really work… People don’t behave badly because they lack information about their shortcomings. They behave badly because they’ve fallen into patterns of destructive behavior from which they’re unable to escape.” 

So what does work? Brooks cites research indicating that a less direct approach is more effective. “Human behavior flows from hidden springs and calls for constant and crafty prodding more than blunt hectoring,” he says. “The way to get someone out of a negative cascade is… to go on offense and try to maximize some alternative good behavior… It’s better to pick one area of life at a time (most people don’t have the willpower to change their whole lives at once) and help a person lay down a pre-emptive set of concrete rules and rewards. Pick out a small goal and lay out measurable steps toward it… [T]ry to change superficial behavior first and hope that, if they act differently, they’ll eventually think differently. Lure people toward success with the promise of admiration instead of trying to punish failure with criticism… Change the underlying context. Change the behavior triggers. Displace bad behavior with different good behavior. Be oblique. Redirect.” 

“How People Change” by David Brooks in The New York Times, Nov. 27, 2012 (p. A27)

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/27/opinion/brooks-how-people-change.... 

From the Marshall Memo #463