36 Questions That Can Help Kids Make Friends

A question-and-answer exercise may help middle schoolers build friendships, including with kids of different ethnicities.

Greater Good Magazine

Jill Suttie

In her article "36 Questions That Can Help Kids Make Friends," Jill Suttie explores an innovative approach to fostering friendships among middle school students through a structured question-and-answer exercise. This method, adapted from the "36 questions" known for building intimacy among adults, has been studied for its effectiveness in promoting closeness and friendship among young adolescents, including those from different ethnic backgrounds.

The Importance of Friendships in Early Adolescence

Early adolescence is a critical period for social development, where forming friendships significantly impacts a child's adjustment to school, sense of belonging, and overall well-being. Research indicates that children with friends are better equipped to handle peer victimization and tend to experience improved health and well-being into adulthood. Despite the recognized importance of friendships, there is a paucity of research on practical interventions to help young teens develop these essential relationships, particularly across ethnic lines.

The "Fast Friends" Study

In 2021, researchers Leslie Echols and Jerreed Ivanich conducted a study to assess whether a structured set of questions could facilitate friendship formation among middle school students. The study involved 301 young adolescents from a public middle school in the Midwest. Students were paired with peers they did not know well, ensuring a mix of same-ethnicity and cross-ethnicity pairings.

Over three sessions, the pairs engaged in activities designed to promote closeness:

1. Personal Question Sessions: In the first two sessions, students took turns asking and answering questions that gradually increased in personal disclosure. These questions were selected from the original 36 questions protocol and "The Kids' Book of Questions," ensuring age-appropriate content. Examples ranged from less personal inquiries like, "What foreign country would you like to live in and why?" to more introspective ones such as, "How would you describe a true friend?"

2. Collaborative Task: The third session involved a collaborative activity where pairs worked together to build a tower structure, fostering teamwork and cooperation.

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Findings and Implications

The study's results demonstrated that students felt significantly closer to their partners after participating in the "Fast Friends" exercise, considering them more as friends compared to peers they had not engaged with in the activity. This effect was consistent across gender and ethnic lines, indicating the exercise's potential to bridge social divides and promote inclusivity.

Echols noted the profound impact of the exercise, stating, "It's amazing how much the students opened up to each other. There's a lot of power in the question-and-answer activity." The structured nature of the questions encouraged students to share meaningful aspects of their lives, facilitating connections that might not have formed otherwise.

Applications for Educators

Implementing the "Fast Friends" exercise in middle school settings can serve as a practical tool for educators aiming to enhance social cohesion and reduce instances of peer victimization. By intentionally creating opportunities for students to engage in guided self-disclosure, schools can foster a more inclusive environment where students feel connected and valued.

While the exercise may not guarantee lasting friendships, it lays the groundwork for positive interactions and mutual understanding. As students transition into middle school—a period often marked by social challenges—such interventions can ease the process, making the school experience more enjoyable and supportive.

In conclusion, the "36 Questions" exercise offers a promising avenue for educators to facilitate meaningful connections among students, promoting a sense of community and belonging that is essential for both personal development and academic success.

Original Article

Source: Suttie, Jill. "36 Questions That Can Help Kids Make Friends." Greater Good Magazine, February 23, 2025. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/36_questions_that_can...

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Prepared with the assistance of AI software

OpenAI. (2025). ChatGPT (4) [Large language model]. https://chat.openai.com